One of my students has asked me the following question twice now in 4 weeks: “If we don’t want to be confirmed, we don’t have to right? It’s supposed to be our choice, right?” I’ve told her both times that she is correct but that this is a decision she needs to talk over with her parents. Obivously, there’s something going on there. I hope to find an opportunity to chat with her to see if I can find out what’s going on and what is behind her asking this question.
Some students DO find themselves in a “do as I say, not as I do” situation with their parents, who insist that they go to religious education while they themselves do not go to Mass regularly. This is very difficult on the child (and doesn’t make for such a great situation for us catechists, either!) who is preparing for the sacraments in a vacuum. On the other hand, parental non-involvement does not preclude the real possibility that this child may have a significant encounter with Jesus Christ in religious education. That, of course, is what we all strive to make possible.
{ 4 comments… read them below or add one }
Maura Sweeney 10.01.08 at 2:49 pm
Joe
I think asking her what is behind the question is a very good idea there may be yet another reason for her reluctance to be confirmed that you didn’t mention.
Four years ago I had a 10th grader who decided not to be confirmed. This was a young person with a very deep prayer life and sense of lived spirituality who was questioning not her faith in Jesus Christ and relationship with God but whether or not she was ready to make a life long committment to our Roman Catholic Faith.
At the time we convinced her to stay connected with her class so she could continue to deepen her knowledge of our Catholic Faith, we also made it clear to her that the door to receiving the sacrament of Confirmation is always open and she may be confirmed whenever she is ready. We continue to see her at Mass even now that she is in college.
I often tell students that receiving the sacraments is like receiving an engagement ring from God. He will not force us to receive the gift of His love he wants us to freely respond.
When she will answer the call to confirmation is a mystery the answer to which is known only by God, but I would far rather have a student like her who has thought as deeply about their committment to their faith than those I’ve seen who are just thoughtlessly going through the motions.
The experience with that young woman gave me an appreciation for the unexpected depths of kids souls.
Peace
Maura
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Joe 10.01.08 at 6:40 pm
Maura, thanks for this beautiful story!
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Margie 10.06.08 at 12:42 pm
Hi Joe,
As a parent, catechist/DRE, I have been there.
My own son, who was a model “catholic” teen, decided to postpone his Confirmation for personal reasons – there was conflict between his sponsor and our extended family. I looked for solutions, but had to finally let go and pray that with the foundation I had provided, he would make the right choice. A year later, with a new sponsor, he was confirmed.
As a catechist/DRE I have seen this become a power play between child and parent. In those cases, I ask the student to go through the preparation period then decide. I reassure them that just because they go through the preparation class doesn’t mean they HAVE to be confirmed.
That’s one of our areas of focus during their preparation – to give them the time and tools to properly discern whether they want to be confirmed, if they are choosing to be confirmed for the right reason and their responsibilities after.
Like you mentioned, sometimes this type of situation is created because the student doesn’t have good examples of witnesses of the faith at home or can’t find a responsible sponsor. It can be tough for a teen to find someone who they are comfortable sharing the faith with. It’s not the norm to have a conversation about your faith at your family picnic or Aunt Mary’s birthday party (unless it’s something negative they saw on the news.) We invite sponsors to join in the preparation from the beginning to hopefully help them get over the awkwardness they may have when it comes to speaking out loud about their faith.
Finally, if a student chooses not to be confirmed, we have to help the parents come to accept that it is not the end of the world. Not being confirmed doesn’t mean their child won’t go to heaven.
As a side note; about 30 years ago my sister and one of her best friends would occasionally have sleepovers on Saturday nights. The friend wasn’t Catholic, but she would attend Mass and Religion class with my sister instead of going home at 8 am Sunday morning. These infrequent exposures to the Catholic faith occurred over three years before the family moved away. Then there were only Christmas cards exchanged for 25 years.
Last year my mother received a letter from my sister’s friend. She was taking the first steps to become a nun!
We need to remember that we may never know how our sharing of the faith will change the life of another. All we can do is provide the foundation to the best of our ability and pray.
Blessings,
Margie
[Reply]
Joe 10.06.08 at 1:58 pm
Margie thanks for sharing your thoughts and this amazing story!
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