Last night, I gave a presentation to a small group of Confirmation students and their parents at a suburban Chicago parish. The kids sat as a group and the parents were scattered around them in the church. My presentation was on Living the Mass. I thought the kids were very well behaved and I complimented them on their behavior, especially after a very long day.
Afterward, when talking to the DRE, I repeated that I thought the kids were very well behaved. She said she agreed for the most part but said that some of them were acting immature. I said that I agreed but that I considered it “acceptable immaturity!” In other words, it’s the kind of behavior to expect from kids who are being asked to sit quietly for over an hour after a long day in school and perhaps some after school activities. It’s the kind of immaturity that can be corrected with a glance, a brief word, or a tap on the shoulder. I’m mentioning this because I’m sure that sometimes I make it sound as if the kids in front of me are complete angels. Not so. I am constantly working to correct behavior that is immature, however, 95% of it is what I consider “acceptable immaturity” – not that the behavior is acceptable but I can accept that this type of behavior is typical from this age group and I can address it dispassionately (i.e. it doesn’t upset me…I just deal with it).
So be sure to separate “acceptable immaturity” from behavior that is completely unacceptable. We can sometimes wear ourselves out and beat ourselves up over behavior that is less than satisfactory but is completely understandable. Part of our job is to consistently remind that kids that certain behaviors are not acceptable but it’s good to do so in a way that communicates the notion that you have complete confidence that they can overcome it and outgrow it.
So do kids in my classes engage in side-talking? Giggling? Passing notes? Making unsolicited remarks? Blurting out answers without raising their hands? Of course. I expect that kind of behavior. I don’t ignore it…I deal with it firmly but dispassionately: I don’t make a big deal out of it and I don’t let it get to me emotionally (although it can wear you down!). It’s simply unacceptable behavior that is “acceptable immaturity!”