I work in the Office of New Evangelization for my diocese, and I remember a phone call from an 86-year-old woman named Gladys. She wanted to find out more about the “coming home” programs the diocese was offering for Catholics who had been away from the Church for a while. After a period of active listening and some gentle questioning, it became clear that Gladys herself wanted to return to the Catholic Church, but she was unsure if she would be welcomed.
Gladys explained that when she was 35, she had gone through a painful divorce. Unfortunately, her struggle had become public knowledge and fodder for gossip in her parish community. Instead of receiving kindness and support at one of the most difficult times in her life, she had been ostracized and marginalized. For many years, family and friends referred to her as the “fallen away Catholic” or the “ex-Catholic.” Gladys felt that she was neither. She was, however, so overcome with shame and guilt that she stopped attending Mass for 50 years. As each year passed she found it more difficult to return. On the phone she cried and expressed her shame and guilt for not attending Mass. “I love the Lord so much in my heart, and I feel such a sense of shame for how I have treated him, the person who has loved me most,” she said.
It was immediately clear to me that Gladys did have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ and desired to be in communion with him. She read her Bible daily, prayed incessantly, and loved the Lord with her whole heart. It was also clear that the shame she felt was focused on her own failures and not directed to those who had maligned her. She missed the Eucharist sorely and wanted to return home before, as she said, “I take my last breath.”
Gladys’s story has a lot to teach us about how we treat and label others in the Catholic Church. We have a vocabulary quite different from the secular world; often that vocabulary can feel exclusive rather than inclusive. Our words hold the power to shape and transform our Christian communities. The flippant use of terminology can easily create an “us” versus “them” mentality. What we mean and what people hear can be very different things. As ministers we need to be very attentive to the words we use to describe our brothers and sisters in Christ.
The prolific writer and speaker Sherry Weddell often comments that we should “never accept a label in place of a story.” Yet how many of us have used terminology that is lacking in pastoral sensitivity towards those who may have drifted away from the regular practice of the Catholic faith? How can listening to a person’s story—instead of applying labels to him or her—help you be more pastoral in your approach to your ministry?
This is so important because so many people look up to us for guidance and reassurance. If I am delivering and important message, I always try to practice what I will say and that way I can catch anything that may come across and insensitive or my sounding judgemental. It’s also important to keep the communication lines open in case someone needs further clarification. Thank you, someone’s story is so important and says so much more. God bless.
Tonata, you are so right! What we say and how we live need to be in complete harmony as ministers and children of God. I agree with you, open communication is critical especially when people have questions or are seeking deeper guidance. Thank you so much for your comment!
“Folks don’t care how much we know…they want to know how much we care.” ~MARY KAY ASH
Very true Molly! Building trust and cultivating relationships takes time and patience. Thank you so much for your comment.